i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
