It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
