And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
