Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
