i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
