apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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