oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
