Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry my hands just texted you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
