Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
