He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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