Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
