I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
