Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
