You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
