I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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