I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
