I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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