Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
