I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bring money and cleavage
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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