It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I could fuck to npr.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
