Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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