I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
