He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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