I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
