Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
