i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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