Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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