I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
