Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
