SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
