I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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