If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
