I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
