Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
