I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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