Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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