Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I could fuck to npr.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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