Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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