hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
