i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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