yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
