I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
