i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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