i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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