Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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