Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
