I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
