Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
