So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
