This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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