Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
