Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
