Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
