Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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