my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize