i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
