I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
