some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
vagina is talking i cant
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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