you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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