So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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