I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
