My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
