i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
