This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i love accidental penises.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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