You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
