my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
