You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
