respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
