My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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