She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
