Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
