turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was confusing and full of hummus
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
did you just send me my own nude
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
